During a visit with a good friend yesterday I was reminded of something I hadn't thought much about in months, which I'd like to share with you guys. If it affects your life like it did mine, you’ll be glad I took the time.

The friend, a woman of 50 or so, confided in me that she was flat broke, that she'd lot her business, didn't know where this month's rent was coming from...or even this month's food, and that her unemployment benefits had run out. She said she knew she would make it in the real estate investing business…eventually…and just wanted some advice on how to get the ball rolling as quickly as possible.

Well, being the old softie I am, I couldn’t resist telling her to go pound salt, get the hell out of my office, and go bitch to someone else. I had enough problems of my own what with my Mercedes’ transmission dragging on the ground, my Black Lab being pregnant by a sheep, a bad case of prickly heat and a gangrenous left…(oh never mind).

No! No!! Just kidding...I wouldn't do that (…oh ye of little faith…).

Here's what actually transpired:

I told my friend (...for the sake of confidentiality we'll call her "Suzie"...although her real name is Evelyn Fenster) that what she needed to do was stop trying to chop down the trees for a while, and spend some time sharpening her axe. This, of course is not what a person who sees themselves as ‘down-and-out’ and on their last leg wants to hear. What would be much preferred is to hear that there is a guardian angel hovering two feet above who is about to drop a load of fresh manna on them at any minute (BTW did you know that “manna” is the etymological root of “manure”? And, hey, who needs that?).

Well, OK, the guardian angel…it may have been there, but if so it was probably just sitting on a chair smiling understandingly and waiting to see how “Suzie” was going to attack her challenge and thereby get to know herself...and her strengths…and qualify for entry into the next realm whatever and wherever that might be. I’m fairly positive that Heaven is a private Island off the cost of Maui, and that Hell is the “It’s a Small World” attraction at Disney Land (…humming that song in your head now, aren’t you? It won’t stop for days).

Oh yeah, my suggestion to Suzie… Well, it was that for the quickest fix, she might use a technique that was given to me by my son Michael and which I have used very successfully in the past. That is the technique of appointing a Director or “chairman” or “manger of life affairs” to manage the fulfillment of one’s needs and goals.

The essence of the “Director” concept an the acceptance of the idea that in our daily lives we are 100% in control of everything that happens to us (or befalls us). It is therefore ‘we’ who create the situations we find ourselves in, and it is we who gets ourselves out of those predicaments one way or the other.

The various methods we use to get oiurselves out of bad situations include: doing nothing and languishing in a stupor until it blows over; admitting defeat and living on pity and handouts; mugging old ladies; living off the government; knocking over ATM machines; prostitution ('tried that...cut my price twice and still no takers…except for some old guy in a rubber chicken suit who I turned down when I found he was lying about being able to lay golden eggs); robbing a bank or liquor store, or just getting drunk and staying that way.

OR…we can just STOP.

We can relax and let depression take over for a while and let it naturally distort catalogue our problems. The process of depression is the scrambling, distortion and magnification of the various elemental components of our lives. Depression itself, if not actue and pathological, is a natural and often time healthy protection device that we subconsciously call upon in order to better see and finally deal with its causes. Contrary to what most people think, non-clinical depression is a useful device that allows us, if we remain rational through it, to separate our dilemmas and the quandaries from each other.

For a little review, a dilemma is a choice between two bad things (e.g., the frying pan or the fire); a quandary is a state of perplexity in not knowing what to do next. The former is unsolvable and should be tossed into your mental trash can…it’ll either go away by itself, work itself out, or kill you, no matter what you do. A true dilemma doesn’t need, and cannot use, your help or energy. The latter—the quandary: now that’s the good one. A quandary is always solvable by simply eliminating indecision and procrastination. The problem with quandaries though is that they are comprised of hundreds of tiny microscopic components that we’d never be able to see if we opted to take a pill or a bottle of booze in order to hide or run away from our natural “depression reflex.”

What are the myriad components of depression? They are all the random solutions your “internal staff” is coming up with…all at the same time: they are manifested in a cacophony of interlaced and confusing demands, laments, bright ideas, test solutions and a bunch of begging and mewling that simply cannot be sorted and processed by one brain.

Your male side wants one thing; your female side wants another; your child-self wants something else; your adult-self wants the opposite; your parent-self has a completely different need. In depression your Fear is demanding retreat while your impetuous and curious personality is afraid to make a decision as to whether to stand and figt or move on. The fact is that all of these disparate inputs are blocking and neutralizing each other; thereby short-circuiting any possibility for logical mental processes, mush less resolution and forcing the sufferer to lapse into worry and despair. Unlike the dilemma, the answer to the quandary is always there, but neutralized by all the other random inputs.

The solution? First of all, one must come to grips with the fact that your own life is no more than a movie script that you are both writing and acting in. You wrote it, you are directing it and you are playing all the parts. You are the camera crew; you are the makeup man/woman; you are the choreographer; you are the costume designer; you are the lighting manager, art director, set designer, electrician, best boy and grip.

Upon acknowledging the cacophony of mental processes, the reasons for them and your ability to effectively process useful problem-solving data when it is sorted and lain in front of you, you can then appoint a single Director of your life, and turn the confusion over to him/her/it (let your subconscious reactive mind take over…it’s no more than a computer and simply is not wired for making the mistakes your conscious analytic mind does).

The Director is that entity you have chosen to take charge and to decipher and resolve all conflicting data that comes into your mind from your many selves. This entity is entrusted with directing all the others to shut the hell up and do what they are supposed to do. This is your “Director,” your ”Business manger” your “Chairman of the Board,” your God, Krishna or whatever title you’d like to ascribe to it. I refer to mine as “Director” and I have put him in charge of all of my goals and the hard stuff of my life…and you know…he REALLY does a good job.

When communicating with your Director you must always do it in writing, and in your own hand (pencil preferably). Mental supplication just gets lost in the chaos of your mind. By simply writing a letter to him/her/it explaining your situation as succinctly as you can without leaving out the essence of your desire or goal, your are given what you ask for. In the letter, you state exactly what it is that you want and what you’ve done, if anything, to ease the problem and when you’d like your need to be manifested. Then you fold the letter and place it in your “Director’s Box” put it in a private (secret) place and leave it alone.

Your letter might look something like this:

Dear Director,

I currently find myself in a difficult position, and truly need your help. This month’s house payments and car payments are due and I do not have the money at the moment. Since these sums are all due and payable within one week (by 08/16/02 at the latest), I need enough to cover them as soon as possible. I ask that you give me a final solution and the wherewithal to carry it out within this time frame. I will accept cash, check or money order…or anything immediately salable or pawn-able that could get me out of the mess I’m in.

I am hereby leaving this request with you and expect it to be fulfilled within the stated above date if at all possible. The amount requested is $3,600.00, but I could get by for a while on just $2,600 if I had to.

Respectfully,

-0-

Understand that your director can only do what is reasonably possible and cannot and will not do the impossible. Therefore if you ask for $100,000 by next Tuesday and don’t indicate that some lesser amount and a later date would work too, your director will not stop short at just $98,000 that might be available instead. Over statement or being too specific could create a failure in the process and you could simply end up with nothing. It’s very important that you be specific about what it is you want, but that you never are too exclusively specific. In other words, if you ask for a new car of a certain type and specify that it should be red, there might be a hundred cars just like the one you asked for, but since none of them are red your director might not present them to you because you specifically said you wanted a red one.

By the way, this is exactly the process I used to get the Nissan Pathfinder than I’ve been driving since 1985. We were VERY short of credit in 1985 and my Jeep Cherokee was on its last leg. So I wrote to my director explaining that I needed a new SUV with a stereo tape deck and a rear spare tire rack and that I wanted a red one, but that I would take any color. Viola, two days after putting the note in my director’s box, I was driving past a Nissan dealership in Arcadia, CA where I saw a red Pathfinder parked on the lot. I stopped and got out to inquire about the possibility of getting financed without any credit, and within one hour I was driving it home…no down…no credit application (just killer interest rate…which was fine with me, given my circumstances, and since I had to have a good car and since the payment amount was not that crucial to me).

Here’s another letter I wrote last year after having sold our home in Granada Hills (bought for $300,000 sold for $510,000):

01-02-02

Dear Director,

I need a new home by or before the end of January of this year about a month away). I wish to pay nothing out of picket and wish to avoid any credit qualifying or approval process. I choose to continue living in the San Fernando Valley and would prefer the Northern end, but would accept any five bedroom in good condition the cities of Granada Hills, Chatsworth, Woodland Hills, Canoga Park, Tarzana, Reseda, Topanga Canyon or Sherman Oaks.

I am beginning today to make FSBO and landlord calls.

Thank you for handling this as quickly as possible

Respectfully,

Bill J. Gatten
Playgirl Centerfold(er)

In making the calls I found three houses on the first day that were available with seller financing, but one was not at all what we wanted and the other two sellers both wanted some cash up front. The last one I spoke with wanted a full $150,000 up front, but indicated he’d stay on the loan. Within 15 minutes of that call a Network member called who needed an up-leg 1031 exchange property, and who had $150,000 she had to get rid of within two weeks or pay big taxes on it. Well, we moved into our new home within two weeks, and the Network member and we are now 50:50 partners (EHT Eq. Share) in a property we got for $530,000, which is now worth about $600,000 and which will be worth $800,000 when all my refurbishments are completed (thanks director).

Tools you will need: 1) piece of paper 2) pen or pencil, 3) box, 4) secret spot 5) brain (optional)

Good luck in everything you try, and congratulations on everything you do,

Bill Gatten

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